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Passion after Pregnancy

by Maxine
Posted August 19 2010 03:18pm
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Before your baby you and your partner may have had a fiery and frequent sex life or a subdued sex life that you hoped to rekindle. After baby you may find that your sex life is in stall mode no matter which category you originally fell in. Changes in your sex life after baby are common, but they can be hard to accept.

In the days and weeks following birth, making love is usually the last thing on a new mom’s mind. She may be in physical pain and she’s also probably exhausted and focused on the needs of your baby. These are all pretty good reasons why her sexual desire is low! Dads too often find that it’s difficult to be passionate for the first little while – the journey through pregnancy and birth and into parenthood can be overwhelming! Sex might not be on either partner’s agenda.

From a medical point of view, most doctors recommend that women avoid sexual intercourse for 6 weeks following birth. You may try love-making earlier than this, but only if Mom's healing has gone well and there are no medical reasons for concern.

Issues That Affect Intimacy

Some couples—men more so than women—have expressed their worries that the romance will never return. There are many things that can impact intimacy.


One or both of you may feel you have no energy to even think about sex. Lack of sleep, taking care of your baby, worry about your baby’s and Mom’s health, not getting enough restful sleep—these can all contribute to a sexual disconnection.

Recovering from birth—especially if Mom had an episiotomy or a Caesarean Section—takes time and, for some women, it may take longer than others. If you make love too early and it’s a painful experience for Mom, it may be more difficult for her to get in the mood again later.

It’s common for new moms to have less natural lubrication for up to 10 weeks after the birth, especially if they’re breastfeeding. Mom, you may find this kind of thing hard to share with your partner…and Dad, you may interpret this wrong and think, “I don’t turn her on anymore.” One short-term remedy that many couples try is a personal lubricant from the local pharmacy. 

Physical Attraction

Some men may find Mom’s postpartum body is not as sexually pleasing as it used to be. They may be uncomfortable with her larger breasts, a larger body overall or a stretched stomach. Along the same lines, some women become concerned that they’re not attractive to their partners. This can affect both of your abilities to become romantic.

When Mom is breastfeeding, the baby’s feeding schedule may interfere with those moments when you’re both ready for romance. As well, you may find that full and/or leaking breasts distract you from feeling amorous. One quick fix—try feeding your baby prior to a planned “intimate time.” This may help to decrease any leaking.

Read on to find out What’s Affecting Your Intimacy.

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